Sunday, March 17, 2013

Like sand through an hourglass

No, I've never been a Days of Our Lives watcher (if that's even the right soap opera that phrase comes from).

Yes, I have been getting better - most of the time, overall I think.  I'm still dead tired, having temperature regulations problems, tinnitis, dizziness, headaches, neck pain, and my right knee really hurts, but none of that is nearly as bad as it was a year ago.  A. year. a. go.

We're working on refinancing our mortgage and the woman at the bank was asking me about my work history - ha.  Since I've been too sick to work (except for these great couple of months before I got too worn out again in the fall), we have to do some extra leg work to do this refinancing business.  So naturally, this dear woman was very curious why a perfectly normal-looking person is sitting in front of her telling her she's too sick to work.  She vaguely recalled something about Lyme Disease and this STILL Lyme Disease?  And the answer was, Yup.  Since August 2011.  That's when I got all weird in my head.  It's 2013.  

I've been sick for approximately 1 year and 7 months.  1 year and 7 months of feeling lousy isn't that bad, but 1 year and 7 months of wasted productivity is.  And don't get me wrong, I count myself lucky - there are plenty of people who are far sicker than I am, have no access to healthcare (thanks a lot, for-profit healthcare system), and have been sick for 15+ years.  I count my blessings.  

I just wish I could work on all these projects I used to work on.  Or could have the energy to make my husband dinner every night.  

This is when I have to remember the key to all of this - thankfulness!  No, I couldn't spend 5 hours today working on my projects, but yes, I was able to eek out one blog post!  No, I didn't have the energy to stand for 45 minutes to wash dishes, but yes, I was able to bring all of them to the kitchen.  Don't spend your energy or your time focusing on all the can't's in your life.  That won't be worth your time.  But feeling better about what you can do is well worth your time. 

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