Friday, August 7, 2015

Take Care

Hi everybody! I am kinda stunned that I haven't written anything on here since January of 2014 and it is now August 2015. BUT, I'm happy to report why - I've been doing actually really so much better. I can rely on having energy every day - like 3-4 'normal people' hours, I'm back at like 60-70% health. I started a business with my husband and have been doing some truly amazing things with it. Sometimes it blows my mind at how much I'm accomplishing, actually. I feel like I'm doing things that fully, robustly healthy people would be lucky to get done. And when I do have a bad, unproductive, day (usually only 2-3 of these per month, thank you, full moon), I have these flashbacks of how bad things were and my brain explodes. I've got a new normal, still filled with challenges, but overall I think I'm past the worst of it, for now anyway. 

You know, it's really crazy how perfect everything goes. I suffered. Wow, did I suffer, but working through that process of climbing back up inch by inch wouldn't have been possible if I didn't start at the bottom, you know what I mean? How can you climb up if you don't start at the bottom? How do you know how bright the light is if you've never seen the darkness? How can you possibly have joy without sorrow? Pain is just part of it. Physical pain, emotional pain, it's all a part of how it goes. 

I started getting a little bit more involved in online Lyme stuff again, which has always been a total balancing act for me. When you're sick, you spend all your time online, it's the only social interaction you have, you're busy trying to research more ways to get better since even the doctors seem to still be just figuring this whole thing out, you're online A LOT. When I truly regained some health points, it became imperative for me to put some distance between my little health bubble and constantly reading about and absorbing the struggle. I had to free some head space and physical space to ease back into the real world, basically. So I did, I basically quit interacting with Lyme stuff online, because what I realized is the more I thought about the struggle, interacted with the struggle, the worse I would feel. I would actually feel the struggle more. I was reading about how people are hurting, being shunned, filling my brain with it for hours and hours a day. It's no wonder it started encroaching on my little bubble of health. 

I've come back a little bit to the online Lyme community to help a few specific people in a few specific ways, but I have to be careful, ever so careful, I get so affected by things. Just goes to show that this whole thing (life, illness, wellness) is always a balancing act. That's the real work. Protecting who you are, protecting your thoughts, your feelings, even more than you protect your body, taking care of all those things. Because at the end of the day, you are responsible for what you think, how you feel, and how you behave. You have to act, you have to take care of all of yourself. You can get lazy and just give in to feeling lousy (physically, or about the world, or about your life, or whatever), and sometimes it's the right thing to do, just rest and let it go, let it happen, just please not for too too long. I have to remember to act and to work on it, every day. It's become easier of course since the struggle has diminished, and my years of practice. :0)  So I guess if there's one thing I'm trying to say, it's Take Care. It's ok to take care of yourself, in fact it's the right thing to do, even if means you don't take care of other things. 

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