STRONG.

You know, I am amazingly grateful to have been dealt this challenge of chronic illness. I know, I know, everyone who says that is just being naive.  So what, call me naive if you don't think this is a good way of looking at things.  Have fun focusing on all that's gone wrong instead.  

I always liked to think I was a strong person, the type of person who could bear anything, rise above it, fight, win.  But it was never put to the test like this before.  Having been there, having sunken, and having slowly, steadily risen up again with nothing but sheer will.  Being shown and having proof that I have this kind of resolve and resilience is an amazing gift that most people never, ever get.  They don't really know how they'll fare if something terrible happens to them.  But I do.  Now I know how bright the light is because I was shown the darkness.  Now I know how strong the strength within me is because I've had to use it to push back.  I was challenged and I met it. And won. I. am. strong. 

Lyme is what you HAVE, not who you ARE

The relationship between a host and its parasite isn't usually a complicated one.  Once the host becomes aware of its host status, it tries to eliminate the parasite, often with ease.  But having Lyme is waaay different, your 'parasite' doesn't just go away with a quick prescription and a few weeks.  If you have chronic Lyme, it's something that you have for a while....years usually. 

I struggle with the idea of mentally accepting the Lyme diagnosis, like I'm sure every single Lyme patient does.  On one hand, accepting it is good because then you have a target to shoot at (but then again that target is inside you, so...).  On the other hand, do you really want to create the mental space for the Lyme bug? After all, you're already giving it physical space.  Maybe you don't necessarily want to let it shack up in your mental energy either, most of that is already sucked out in coping with the loss of your work, school, social, even essential day-to-day tasks life. 

Making an energetically accepting attitude toward that Lyme bug might make it easier to stick around, maybe it will pick up on your 'it's ok that you're here' attitude and prolong its stay.  Yet, you can't always mentally be at war with your body's invaders....can you?

So.  How do you accept your infection while not accepting your infection?  Think of it like jail.  You don't want to be stuck in there with bad guys.  But you are.  You can tolerate them, but you don't wanna get too chummy.  Accepting the current situation is a good reality check, but just because you're locked up together doesn't mean you have to get too comfortable.  And remember that it's only a matter of time before you make bail and are free again.  All things are temporary. Plus, there's plenty you can do to ensure you get free, and that's the best part.  

How do your genes fit?

I'm a mutant!  Run for your life!  I have genetic mutations, that is. 

I've found a complete game changer in my healing: genetics!  Genetics is very complicated and complex and your genetic information is PURE GOLD when it comes to healing.  You ever wonder why so many people can handle their Lyme Disease (and don't even know they have it!), or why every single treatment plan is different, why some people respond to certain medications and some don't....it's all in the genes, man.  Knowing your genetic make up is an absolute game-changer when healing. 

At the behest of my favorite LLND, I did a gene test through a company called 23andme.  Initially, I was interested in finding out if I have a couple broken genes (specifically ones for detoxifying and mold accumulating).  It took me awhile to do the saliva sample and send it off, I guess because knowledge about your genes isn't knowledge you can UN-KNOW.  And, your genes are something you can't change, either.  But I finally decided, ok, I'd get this done and focus on the few genes that can really complicate healing from Lyme and toxic black mold.

When the results did come back, a whopping 6 weeks later, I was more lost than I was before.  Because of the type of lab that 23andme is, they do not interpret your data for you and you receive 40 pages of what looks like serial numbers  (but hey - that's because it only cost $99 instead of $800!).  MTRR A66G, CBS A360A, and COMT V158M are examples.  So you can imagine, I was left scratching my head.  I did some sleuthing and found a site that you can run your results through and it kind-of turns it into useful information.  The key with this is to have your data interpreted by a nurse or doctor or someone who's familiar with reading raw genetic data.  

Anyway, the genes that affect my immunity and healing and were found to be mutated and causing problems are VDS, CBS, and MTRR.  

So basically, my body lacks the ability to make a crucial enzyme that's needed to process stuff through the body.  And, the previous step to the broken enzyme-maker is also busted.  And the one that has something to do with vitamin D absorption, and I think maybe there was another mutation.  Great news is that we can work on all of it with specific supplementation in a specific order and time frame to get back on track.

Without knowing this, we would have been shooting arrows in the dark.  In my experience, knowing my genetic make up has been positively instrumental in getting this healing done.  

Note: I just cannot figure out why I'm unable to reply to comments here on the blog.  Oh, computers.  I'm stumped and don't like leaving people hanging.  So if you do have a comment or question, please get a hold of me on my Facebook page www.facebook.com/waterwithlyme.  

Like sand through an hourglass

No, I've never been a Days of Our Lives watcher (if that's even the right soap opera that phrase comes from).

Yes, I have been getting better - most of the time, overall I think.  I'm still dead tired, having temperature regulations problems, tinnitis, dizziness, headaches, neck pain, and my right knee really hurts, but none of that is nearly as bad as it was a year ago.  A. year. a. go.

We're working on refinancing our mortgage and the woman at the bank was asking me about my work history - ha.  Since I've been too sick to work (except for these great couple of months before I got too worn out again in the fall), we have to do some extra leg work to do this refinancing business.  So naturally, this dear woman was very curious why a perfectly normal-looking person is sitting in front of her telling her she's too sick to work.  She vaguely recalled something about Lyme Disease and inquired...is this STILL Lyme Disease?  And the answer was, Yup.  Since August 2011.  That's when I got all weird in my head.  It's 2013.  

I've been sick for approximately 1 year and 7 months.  1 year and 7 months of feeling lousy isn't that bad, but 1 year and 7 months of wasted productivity is.  And don't get me wrong, I count myself lucky - there are plenty of people who are far sicker than I am, have no access to healthcare (thanks a lot, for-profit healthcare system), and have been sick for 15+ years.  I count my blessings.  

I just wish I could work on all these projects I used to work on.  Or could have the energy to make my husband dinner every night.  

This is when I have to remember the key to all of this - thankfulness!  No, I couldn't spend 5 hours today working on my projects, but yes, I was able to eek out one blog post!  No, I didn't have the energy to stand for 45 minutes to wash dishes, but yes, I was able to bring all of them to the kitchen.  Don't spend your energy or your time focusing on all the can't's in your life.  That won't be worth your time.  But feeling better about what you can do is well worth your time.