Tease

What a tease.  Some of you out there may know that I was able to begin work a few weeks ago - antibiotic-free, relatively symptom-free (well - less symptoms, enough where I could get through an 18 hour a week job anyway).  By and large, it was going quite well.  Until.

Until I spent all last weekend (it's Thursday as I write this - I think) in bed.  It was all too familiar.  Tired.  Headaches.  Stiff neck so stiff it was just roaring, unabating pain.  I spent this whole year that way, if I had the presence of mind, I would have been more upset about it at the time.  

Not long ago, my dear sweet husband moved the couch and discovered mold on the floor.  Black mold.  (Ughhhh)  He then valiantly proceeded to eradicate it and I had the bright idea that we ought to refinish the floors (it had been a long time since that had been done.  We were getting slivers!). WE.  Hahahaha.  (For the record - I really did mean 'we,' and it did start as 'we' before it went to just 'he.'  That super awesome man did the whole thing - sanding, staining, polyurethaning).  

So we weren't sure if I was having an acute mold toxicity issue or maybe it was stress from work, but something put me DOWN and out.

I went to the doctor today and got a glutathione injection as well as a vitamin D injection.   We deduced that it is both - I've got a mold toxicity problem AND the Lyme is coming back.  Great.

I feel so done.  My trained brain (that is - the brain I've trained to be hopeful despite hopelessness, to see the bright side in spite of all the darkness, to seek things to be thankful for  rather than to seek things to complain about) is telling me that 1 year is a phenominally fast recovery.  And of course, naturally a set back is to be expected and even looky-here, we caught things nice and early before I had too much of a regression, so I'm still sittin' pretty and doing well.  True.

But my lazy, strictly reactive brain and feelings are so done.  I am so sad and mad and frustrated that more time, more resources, more energy have to be spent.  And here I was thinking I could host this grand 30th birthday for my husband at the end of the month (who so much deserves it).  Now I get to talk to my boss about taking breaks and working less.  And I get to drop a class again.  And I get to spend a bunch of money again.  

I really do feel like throwing a little hissy fit and just crying and stomping around.  I did some of that today and it did seem to help.  Plus, I guess I would rather be optimistic and happy than grumpy and upset.  We'll see.  Maybe I'll go back and forth for a few more hours today.  

What a tease.  4 weeks of relative freedom from sickness.  But, it ok.  I would rather have had them than not.  

Months of penicillin, here I come.